What can you change in your life?
and the belief that will get in your way
What can you change?
I just love this advice on the things we can and cannot change.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference
Attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, an American theologian, 1892 – 1971
What’s more, it’s perfectly in tune with the ideas of Doctor Steve Peters, in his wonderful, book, The Chimp Paradox.
That book, along with my other favourites is listed here.
Peters knows a thing or two about personal performance. He was the Psychiatrist and mind coach to the multi-gold-medal-winning, British Olympic cycling team.
He’s also helped other stars, like world snooker champion, Ronnie O’Sullivan, get to the top of their game too.
Peters says that, alongside your values, what you really need is a solid set of ‘truths’ to help you deal with the world.
These truths – about your personal situation or your environment – are the things you can prove with evidence.
So, they’re quite different from feelings based ‘beliefs’.
Some truths are obvious, like the fact that if you live in the UK (especially on the West side) you’ll see a lot of grey skies and rain.
Then again, it’s also true that you’ll see a lot of happy faces when the sun comes out 😉 🙂 😉
But spotting other truths (from the lies) is not always easy to do.
Take my bête noire of self-development – the ‘law of attraction’
If you’re not familiar with it, this is the absurd (and dangerous) idea that simply by spending time visualising a better future – you will (by some magic energy field) make the universe ‘conspire’ to bring that better future towards you!
… and, conversely, bad thoughts will bring bad things your way too.
You only need to think of the 250,000 people who died in the Tsunami, to consider the absurdity of this idea.
Were they really ALL having bad thoughts about their future?
This is dangerous nonsense.
Indeed, there is a mass of evidence to say that,
positive fantasies about the future…
…can actually make our situation worse.
More on this from Psychologist Neil Farber M.D, Ph.D., CLC, CPT here
And a related Insight on succeeding with your goals from me – here
Five things that none of us can change
So let’s stick to the work of real experts who can provide some solid evidence for their ideas. Like Dr Steve Peters who, in his book, Chimp Paradox, reveals 3 of his own personal ‘truths’ as follows:
• Life is not fair
• The goal posts move and
• There are no guarantees
Or psychotherapist David Richo who offers an extended but similar list of fundamental truths in his book, The five things we cannot change.
Richo’s ‘unavoidable givens’ or ‘immutable facts of life’ are that:
1. Everything changes and ends.
2. Things do not always go to plan.
3. Life is not always fair.
4. Pain is part of life.
5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.
These are powerful truths … but perhaps they’re too simple, too obvious… and too miserable?
Well, yes but consider how simply by acknowledging these truths we can change our lives.
Let’s be honest… we can all take on the role of ‘victim’ – of unfair circumstances from time to time.
But where does all the moaning about it get us?
We waste our time and we can waste a lot of other people’s time too – when they have to listen 🙁
So, by reminding ourselves of the truths of life we save everyone that time – and from a lot of stress and frustration too.
The simple truth is that life isn’t always fair
And no amount of dreaming or positive thinking will make it fair either.
So, if you’re serious about making your situation better, focus on doing some useful work to move towards that better place.
Now, you might want some help from a coach to get started on this journey.
And if you do, then be sure to work with someone competent and experienced in the area where you need help.
If you’re looking to change careers – or just get on the next rung of the ladder – get a good career development coach.
If you want to start something new in your business – talk to someone who understands proposition design.
And if you need better sales skills (and frankly, who doesn’t) then get a coach who’s proven in that area – and can teach it to you too.
Everyone needs a coach
says Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft,
It doesn’t matter whether we’re a basketball player, a tennis player, a gymnast or a bridge player.
We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve”
And so it is with money
We need to understand the ‘truths’ about money, investing and pensions to have a good chance of making good decisions about these things.
We need the truth about the risks (and costs) in the schemes that others put to us.
And this is what my books and this site can help you with
You see, when it comes to your money – there really is a ton of misleading information out there.
Even in some of the ‘quality’ journals where you’d expect them to get things right – you’ll sometimes find errors that can send you off in the wrong direction – especially when it comes to pension planning.
But this is not just about how we’re misled by others.
Some of our biggest money mistakes arise because we mislead ourselves.
Here’s the evidence
This 2015 survey by Ipsos Mori revealed that most people have no idea whatsoever about the cost of their biggest life goals.
When asked about the average cost of raising a child in Britain from birth until they reach the age of 21:
Over 60% of people thought it was less than £100,000
Over 25% of people thought it cost less than £30,000.
The actual estimated cost is c. £230,000!
(Source: LV insurance. Includes support through university, but not private school fees)
When asked what fund you’d need in a private pension (alongside a state pension) to enjoy a total income of around £25,000 p.a. in retirement:
Over 50% of people thought it’d be less than £150,000
30% of people thought it could be achieved on less than £50,000
and 12% thought that a fund of £15,000 would be enough!
The actual fund you’d need is about £300,000!
And that’s only to provide a ‘fixed’ income from the private pension… Inflation linking the whole lot – would cost a lot more.
Now don’t get depressed by these numbers
Yes, they’re big but they’re actually quite achievable if you plan ahead.
And I can show you how to do that right from this site – in a new course of ‘Financial Flying Lessons’ coming soon.
So, if that’s of interest just sign up to newsletters or join my facebook group for updates.
The links are below
Thanks for dropping in,
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